Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Raiders of the Lost Ark

Ever watched Indiana Jones:  Raiders of the Lost Ark--of course you have, it's a classic.  I'm pretty sure it was required reading for college, or maybe that was The Illiad.  But whether or not you'd actually 'fess to having sat through the entire film, you will admit to having seen the scene where Indy takes the treasure causing traps to trigger including the giant stone ball.  Why even bring up Indy and his near catastrophic adventures?

Well, as much as I think using a leather whip to swing from various overhangs would be a very cool and useful skill (trust me, I'd find a way to use that skill if I actually had it), the real reason is that the stone ball scene is what it is like removing dishes from the drain after my mom has washed them.  (And yes, the complaint of no dishwasher was lodged long ago, but sadly fell on deaf ears.)

That's right, my mom is the kitchen equivalent of ancient civilization architects.  She washes and carefully stacks the dishes into one of those wire rack drains in such a way as to make it two things.  Things that an unsuspecting viewer might not realize until it was too late.

The first being a setup.  That's right, my mom creates a clever scenario where everything you actually need is on the bottom, thereby requiring the searcher to put away just about every stinkin' dish to reach the one they actually wanted.  A perfect example--today.  All of the bowls were dirty and had been washed, meaning none in the cupboard, all in the drain.  But, you can't just come in, snag a bowl and get yourself some artificially flavored Lucky Charms.  Oh no.  First you have to remove all the pans, mixing bowls, pie plates, plastic storage containers (which should be banned by the government to preserve sanity, that or the lids should be permanently attached) and mixing cups.  Then and only then, can you reach the neat line of bowls--by then its almost lunch.  Okay, I confess--sometimes I just have toast.

The second thing, and this is the real insane part, is booby trap.  Yep, its a trap.  Just walk away.  While removing the aforementioned pans, mixing bowls, pie plates, plastic storage containers and mixing cups, you must be on constant alert.  Your vigilence is necessary because no matter which item you move first, at least one other (usually breakable) item is ready to bail out and break for the nearest hard surface.  To get a glass for juice, I had to balance a saucepan and catch an old Corel pie pan. 

There is of course, a third idea.  Secretly, my mom works for the goverment and this has been an on-going test of our coordination, agility and intelligence.

Personally, I think they're waiting to see if we crack under pressure.
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