Friday, May 14, 2010

Batman vs Superman

Have you ever had to sit in a room while two people argued out a rather pointless thing.  You know, the kind of argument that won't change anything, doesn't make one wit of difference, the subject of the argument will never know, keeps going through snarky little comments said just loud enough for the other to hear and, in the end, only leaves everyone giving each other the silent treatment.  (Yeah, those grown-up type arguments.)  And, if you're unlucky enough to be stuck in the room with them, you get to feel indigestion sit in slowly while irritation mounts, until finally you yell "Shut-up!" because the alternative reaction involves duct taping their mouths and locking them in closets while you try to bring back the Zen you had, had all day until that moment by sipping cold lemonade.  At which point one of the arguers says, "You can't tell me to shut-up."  (Hmm, funny, just did.)

So what was this grand argument about?  It was the age-old "my friend is better than your friend".

It goes something like this (names and subject matter changed to protect the insane).

Bob says, "I think Superman is the one super hero who's done the most for humanity.  He sure puts a lot of hours into stopping bad guides and reversing the spin of the Earth, you know."  (Now this is where a sane fellow would respond with "yep, he sure is super" and let it go, but of course you know that can't happen, now can it.)

Larry jumps in and says, "I don't know about that.  Batman has been working at it longer and he's much more of a hero.  He actually punches out the bad guys, while Superman only ties them up."  Now you have to understand that Larry has met Bruce Wayne, even worked a bit with him and would really, really love to be the next Robin the Boy Wonder.  Thus, Larry responds aggressively out of a sense of loyalty for his old friend Mr. Wayne.

Bob, responding to the aggressive attack to his hero, says, "Superman can fly and has laser vision.  And he did turn back time once.  Superman also fights injustice around the whole world, while Batman just stays in Gotham." 

Larry, incensed by the attack on his mentor, responds with, "Yeah, well, Batman works with the powerful and elite.  He also has his awesome utility belt full of tools."  (Elite?  Really, lets keep a perspective on reality here.)  At this point the tension mounting, George steps in to add his comment of "yes, Batman has really made a difference, like when he stopped the Joker from releasing a supertoxin that would have killed half of Gotham."  (The Georges of the world need to learn to stay out of things.)  This of course fires up the argument that otherwise might have died down after a couple more snarky comments.  But no, it now must continue--honor is at stake.

Larry and Bob begin slinging out the comments. "My hero can fly."  "Mine has a better car." "Black is more slimming."  "Superman's cape has a symbol on it."  "Batman has a better hero costume."  "Superman is not afraid to show his face."  "Yeah, well, Superman's fans are so stupid they can't tell its him with just glasses on."  (Now Larry, we don't say stupid.)  The volume continues to rise.

Finally, as the dog is barking and the yelling gets louder (hard to believe that was possible),  Sam says, "Guys, knock it off.  It really doesn't matter."  (But, apparently it does matter, because now Larry is mad at Sam for interrupting.)  Larry begins to snark at Sam.  Bob, feeling that Sam had helped defend his hero, jumps in.  This brings George in for more commentary.  No one is listening whatsoever, but everyone keeps on talking.  And finally, Sam just can't take it anymore.  "Just shut-up!  Stop making comments.  Who cares!" 

Larry responds with, "You can't tell me to shut-up!"  The snarky comments continue until finally Walter emerges and demands to know what is going on.  Everyone stops arguing and separates rather than say.  Larry sneaks off to talk to Walter separately because, well, he knows he's right.  Bob talks to George about something else while slipping in his points and Sam puts on a movie to ignore everyone with.  Thankfully, the dog stops barking.

Really?  Yep, really.

Larry.  Bob.  Get a grip!  Both Batman and Superman are superheroes.  They've both reached the level of awesomeness that has little boys dressing up as them for Halloween.  They're both in the Justice League for heaven's sake!  One works strictly in Gothman--his focus is the city's over-abundance of psychotic bad guys (see Larry, not elite, psychotic).  More than enough to keep one hero busy for life without trooping out into the world.  The other works from Metropolis but, being a journalist, knows how to get better coverage so he can reach more people to help promote justice and the American Way.  By working with so many "regular" folks, Superman feels he can help keep them from becoming part of some psychotic bad guy's band of wacky followers.  (Look at the damage Harlequin did as a follower of the Joker--nip that in the bud.)  Both are awesome.  Both are needed to keep the evil of the world at bay.  Batman and Superman would want you to fight evil, not each other.

Besides, we all know Wonder Woman would kick their butts!
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